the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
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You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
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If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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