So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
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some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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