I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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