Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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