She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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