Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I intend to get homeless drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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