we have officially mastered the walk of shame
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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