if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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