I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize