okay pat passed out under dana's car
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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