70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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