Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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