i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
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Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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