Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize