I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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