We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize