you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
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I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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