$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
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I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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