i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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