Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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