so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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