There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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