Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
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This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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