I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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