i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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