i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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