his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
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Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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