And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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