Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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