it hurts more in the daytime
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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