im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We left the knife in your bed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
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You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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