Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My cat gives me a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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