well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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