i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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