Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
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i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
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Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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