My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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