All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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