I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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