woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
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Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
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I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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