he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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