When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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