did you get engaged???
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize