Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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