A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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