yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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