i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
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I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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