my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize