They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
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Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This is the high leading the old right now
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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