I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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