I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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